My Revelation on the Island of Patmos: Part 4 of 5

I Can Do All Things

In 2012, while on the island of Patmos, the pain of trigeminal neuralgia became debilitating. Many days were spent lying still on my right side trying to decrease all painful stimulants to the left side of my face.

Surges of pain increased as I continued to combat facial muscle spasms, burning and sensations of electricity. Being wearied by the years of endurance, I was slipping in and out of hope that the pain would end.

Being mentally and physically exhausted, I drew a dangerous conclusion: “I can’t do this anymore.” It seemingly felt easier to not work the muscle of hope nor to believe that God would deliver me.

Oh how deceiving! It was actually harder to live under the dark cloud of hopelessness.

There is life and glorious possibilities within hope and faith. As my hope waned, I found only depression and an internal death.

What I am saying is simple and is an easily forgone conclusion. The necessity of hope and faith are required to remain alive within. Hope is vital to emotional, spiritual and even physical life.

Being intimately acquainted with a hope filled life and a life of despair, I can attest that a life of despair is a much more difficult life to live.

A life of despair is no life at all really. Despair drained me of life.

The horrid reality of trigeminal neuralgia is that many who do not find relief within three years choose to embrace death; thus, it is called the “suicide disease.”

When pain and death are around and within, the answer is not more death. The answer is freedom and life.

“Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom,” and “Yeshua is the way, the truth and life.”

(2 Corinthians 3:17, John 14:16)

Faith

Fortunately, my friend from Israel called while I was in this tailspin. Wearily I confessed my true thoughts, “I can’t do this anymore.”

With all the flare of a true Israeli, my friend responded with genuine honesty, “Where is your faith? Don’t you believe that you ‘can do all things through the Messiah who strengthens’ you?”

Ouch!

As I basked in the deceptive light of self-pity, I expected my friend to stroke me with words of sympathy. Instead, gently the harsh truth and direct words were spoken in love.

My friend’s words woke me up and challenged me in the basic truths of my faith.

Knowing that I believed in Yeshua and the words of the Bible, to my friend without guile it was only logical that I would believe what God says.

My time of suffering and endurance was a life test. Did I believe the Scriptures or not? When I awoke from my stupor and chose to exercise my muscle of hope, the Word of God was cemented into my heart.

Let me just say, many a time I had been the recipient of my friend’s compassions. The compassionate heart made a way for the sword-like tongue to destroy the lies that were destroying me.

After hearing and awakening to truth, I ceased to say, “I cannot do this.” The truth was internalized and my mind was changed. “I can do all things because Yeshua strengthens me.” I can do nothing without Him, but by leaning on my Beloved I will arise.

By changing my internal conversation with God, I was released from the heavy power of despair that had haunted me on and off for years.

“This I know, my Redeemer lives and in the end He will stand on the Earth. After my skin has been destroyed, this I know, that In my flesh I will see God. …Oh, how my heart yearns within me!”

(Job 19:25-27)

He will come and save, and He will remove all tears and pain.

Until the fullness of healing is realized and all the pain is lifted from my face, I know that I can do all things and endure all things through Yeshua my Messiah Who gives me strength.

(Philippians 4:13)

My Internal Existence With You

John 14:17

“…the Spirit of truth, Whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him. You know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you, “ Yeshua.

Closing my eyes and turning my mind to the One dwelling within, I embrace my internal existence with You. You are hidden in my depths patiently waiting for me to acknowledge Your presence.

Spirit of Yeshua, my Superior Treasure acquired through an uncomplicated faith. You are my inheritance giving me entrance into heavenly realities that I crave.

I am but an earthenware jar of clay filled with the incomparable power of God. Beautiful Spirit of the Most High, You go uncommonly low into the undesirable parts of me and transform me from glory to glory.

Fair as the moon, clear as the sun, I rise from this wilderness of humanity utterly collapsed upon and into the Pure Spirit of my Beloved God.

I walk with You and talk with You as You communicate Your thoughts, plans and emotions of Your heart. Who is like You beautiful Spirit? Eternal, Internal One, You are wholeheartedly devoted to me.

Faithful Spirit, where can I go from You? When in the heights of life, when in the lows of shame, when I turn to You and when I turn away, You are there. When I wake from my foolish, slumbering spirit I am still with You. You never leave. You never forsake.

Indwelling Flame, I journey with You through these short 70 years of life until I, like the phoenix, awaken from the ashes to see the Trinity face to face. Alive and active, You prepare me with Your double-edged sword that pierces my heart until You have consumed my uttermost being.

All my desire is caught up in You as the preeminence of Your internal Presence encompasses every facet of who I am.

You dwell in the highest heights outside of the scope of this universe, and You are in the midst of seemingly insignificant me. Thank You for the dignity that You grant one who is nothing apart from You. You have transformed me into a glorious being.

Beloved, thank You for Your unusual kindness. There is none upon the on Earth that I desire besides You.

You Who reside on the inside are terribly silent, slow to speak, and wonderfully patient as You wait on my gaze for the umpteenth time. Exponentially escalate my faith to believe that though You are hidden, You are found within the cavities of my frame.

You fascinate me as You speak mysteriously in dreams and visions and utter rhymes and riddles. Other times You press Your hand firmly on my chest and say it plainly by convicting my heart, stating Your case and making known Your way.

Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation, as I read Your Words, You grant me insight into sentences I have read a hundred times. Oh the depths of wisdom and the vastness of the knowledge that is contained within Your Being! Oh the depths of my dullness!

There is a beautiful law within the realm of the Spirit. The more I seek, the more I find. The more I hunger, the more I am filled. The more I thirst, the more I am satisfied. You are unequivocally nice. To be filled with You is a simple way, though it costs everything.

I want more of You, yet, in all honesty my condition is much graver than mere desires. On pains of death I require more of You. My existence is but vanity of vanities without a continual infilling of You.

Water Within, I thirst for the first water, the second infilling, the third and on and on. Let me feel You moving within me as You grant me favor to drink another drink. Deep is calling out to deep at the noise of Your waterfalls.

Spirit of Yeshua, exhilarate me with the heights of knowing the fullness of Your Interior Presence. Enhance my experience of the Indwelling Anointing that I may be strengthened in my internal existence with You.

God, My Beloved, My Friend

My Revelation on the Island of Patmos: Part 3d of 5

While being tormented the Bride reveals God’s alluring beauty and inspires hearts to fall in love with Him. (Song of Songs 5:10-16) This Shulamite continues to be an inspiration to me as I persevere through physical pain.

May the kindest, Beloved God with transcendent beauty, the Friend of the weak, reveal His love and keep our hearts from growing cold during times of suffering.

Kind Speech

“His mouth is most sweet…”

Song of Songs 5:16

“…חִכּוֹ, מַמְתַקִּים”

You are the nicest One I know. I am dark, yet, with grace upon Your lips You convey Your affections to me by calling me lovely. You are remarkably more beautiful and more appealing than the sons of men.

Tender words empower my heart to believe as You beckon me to Your throne of grace to behold Your face and torn body. My Love, Your extravagant kindness leads me to turn again and again and again to You.

You call me Your rose, the delight of Your soul, the joy set before You. My fragrance, my simple devotion is Your desired inheritance. In stillness I consider what You think of me.

Transcendent Beauty

“Yes, He is altogether lovely…”

Song of Songs 5:16

“…וְכֻלּוֹ, מַחֲמַדִּים”

Zeal of my heart, Desire of the nations, Your wholehearted love awakens my innermost being to the preeminence of Your glory, the brilliance of Your love.

Humbly and unreservedly You poured forth Your Being and offered the lowly ones Your everything. In joy and in tears, all You have done and all You still do is for the sake of Love.

Wrapped in light, wrapped in flesh, Who is like You Yeshua? The brightness of Your glory lights the holiest City causing the sun to bow and restrain from shining it’s rays.

Possessor of indescribable, rare beauties with inexpressible, infinite radiance, You are transcendent in glory. Dwelling exceedingly high, the highest heavens cannot contain You. Going immensely low, descending into the deepest depths only to rise to life again.

Beloved

“This is my Beloved…”

Song of Songs 5:16

“…זֶה דוֹדִי”

Lover of my soul, You kneel before me offering Your hand and say, “Will you have Me as Your own?” You are God and You are in love with Your creation. God of Covenant, I say “Yes.”

I am my Beloved’s and His desire is for me.

With eyes like flames of fire You capture my eyes. Your dove’s eyes gazing at me cause my eyes to never want to stray. Help me to not be distracted, God.

You enrapture my soul with vehement flames of desire that stir in my heart for You alone God. Who can dwell in Your everlasting burnings? Who can dwell in Your all consuming flame? In the shadow of Your blood, You grant me righteousness and bid me entrance.

Friend

“This is my Friend, daughters of Jerusalem.”

Song of Songs 5:16

“.וְזֶה רֵעִי, בְּנוֹת יְרוּשָׁלִָם”

To our hidden place we steal away. In the cover of night, You tell me the secrets of Your heart as I whisper to You mine. You are my Best Friend and constant Companion.

Spirit of Yeshua dwelling deep inside, none other can enter this home within me. In my interior castle’s private Garden of Eden I sit with You in silence. Your all-consuming Presence is enough.

Eternal Intercessor, You share Your heavy burdens as I place my hand in Yours. You seek partnership with Your beloved. Together we fast. Together we pray, “Abba, Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on the Earth as it is in Heaven.”